Long time lurker here but have finally decided to talk a bit about my MIL. For the most part she seems like a nice lady. DH and I met in high school. We dated for five years and are now married for three. During the entire time we dated my in laws never took an interest in me. Never included me or tried to get to know me. When DH was graduating basic training at 19 in the Army out of state I was 17. They organized a trip to go see him. Their trip included his mom, dad, brother, grandmother and aunt. They also took along his brothers new girlfriend. At the time we had been together for 2 years. High school romance mostly. But still two years. She did not ask if I would like to go with them. Which I suppose I can understand. I was still technically a minor and it was a long trip. But she then fussed at DH when he wanted to talk to me on the phone after graduation. How dare he want to have a brief conversation with his long time girlfriend he hadn't spoken to in a while with his family their! And when I say brief I mean it. We are not the type of couple to talk long on the phone.
Then DH got stationed overseas, he would be gone for a year at a time and come back home on leave for two and a half weeks. When he would come home on leave his parents would purposely exclude me. Not share flight information or plans to go get him from the airport even though he would send me the information and ask if they had contacted me like they apparently said they would. I wasn't very sure how to react when this happened so I just didn't. I backed off and let them control his leave and waited for him to contact me once he was back in the states so we could plan a meeting. But he did not have a phone to use back in the states so that means to contact me he had to ask to use his parents cell phones. I didn't hear from him for a week once he landed because they were not ready to share him. They wanted to drag him all over the place to visit family members he had no interest in seeing and didn't think he needed much time to "visit friends". At that point in time we had been in a relationship for a little over three years. But that still didn't matter. By the time they were willing to drive him to our home town where I lived and he originally wanted to be for the majority of his leave there were only two days left. And I still had to share him with his friends and family that were in our home town. And the sad part is that the more she pushed him to do what they want the more he pulls away. During those last two days we struggled to get alone time after being apart for an entire year. He was guilted by his parents to go visit people he didn't want to and stay out at the local bar very late (the same bar his mom would keep him at all night long as a child) and refused to go without me because I was the only person not pushing him to do things against his will. They didn't like that either. The poor guy was absolutely exhausted. After those two days were up I didn't see him for another year. It was very hard on our relationship.
At around 5 years together we decided to get married. DH was stationed at his second location overseas at the time. He was struggling with depression due to loneliness and anxiety. When he announced to the MIL that we were going to get married the first and only words out of her mouth were "oh, is she pregnant?" After being apart for 11 months at the time it would've been one hell of a magic trick if I was pregnant with his baby.
After we got married we still had to be apart awhile because I couldn't join him overseas yet. But during that time I gained some confidence as his wife and took control of his homecomings and would send them updates welcoming them to join us. At his request I would allow him to borrow my phone to call his friends and I would take him anywhere he asked or needed to go. Their were a few hiccups regarding his mom wanting to control everything along the way but for the most part she seemed to back off.
I thought things would get better after all of that, they didn't. I will continue our story soon.