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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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My name is Donna. My boyfriend (Derek) and I have a 1 year old daughter. She was unplanned. He\'s 25 and i\'m 29. Him and I both are living with my parents because we both have low income jobs. He works full time making $10/hour, I work full time making $14/hour.

My boyfriend and I are not married. Probably because of his mother. His mother is very annoying to me. Her name is Kimberly.

Kimberly does not have a good marriage with her husband (Rick). Her husband drinks and her other son (Brendan) smokes weed. Brendan is 19 years old and he gets spoiled by his parents. He doesn\'t have a job and still depends on his mom to take care of him.

When Derek told his parents that I\'m pregnant and that we needed their support, his mother was like \"you\'re on your own.\" Basically, his parents did not want to help him find a better job or help him go back to school or help him out in any way. And Derek has a low income job, he cannot support his me and my daughter on his own. And so i have no choice but to work full time and put my daughter into daycare.

When I gave birth to my daughter, I had this bad feeling about Kimberly. My motherly instincts tells me not to trust this lady. I barely knew this lady. And Kimberly just got all excited and was impatient about bringing my daughter back to her house. And I told my boyfriend that I was not ready for that. He did not defend me. He was only thinking about his mother\'s wants. He did not realize how uncomfortable that would make me feel. And I hated him for that. And i hated his mother for that as well. She did not think twice before taking my daughter away from me, and she was only 1 month old and I was breastfeeding.

Kimberly tried to make up excuses to get me to let her have the baby at her house. But I was uncomfortable about it. Especially the fact that my boyfriend and I are struggling financially to support our own daughter and his parents do not want to help him out. And I had to financially support my own kid more than my boyfriend because i make more and i work full time. I wish i didn\'t had to work so that I can be with my daughter more. I did not want my daughter to be raised by Kimberly. I was uncomfortable about that.

Derek needs to stop being a mama\'s boy. And Kimberly needs to back off! it\'s not her kid although she thinks it is. Derek should have defend me against his mother.

I have a feeling that Kimberly only cares about herself and her grandchild. She doesn\'t care if me and Derek do not work out. She doesn\'t care if our relationship is unhappy. Kimberly recently told her son, \"why do you stay with such a bitch!\" all because she couldn\'t get what she wants which is doing whatever she wants with my daughter and taking advantage of the opportunity. I do not respect this woman who does not respect my wishes and does not respect my boundaries!

My boyfriend needs to stop being a <i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i> or a whimp towards his mother. I see that his mother suffers from depression and is negative and puts her son down all the time. She\'s not emotionally supportive towards her son because she\'s not getting what she wants. Derek has problems confronting his mother and standing up to her. His mother threatens him that if she doesn\'t get what she wants which is to see my daughter whenever she wants, she would not give him his pain medicine for his back.

And I ask Derek, \&quot;Why do you continue putting up with your mom?\&quot; I don\'t understand.

@Carol we have been together 15 years, she text DH the other day how exciTed she is to see 'her wonderful son, smart granddaughter and soon to be daughter in law' as he read this he suddenly realized that the look on my face was heartbreak and has sought therapy too. 16 years before our wedding day and I'm still ignored.... left out of pictures, photo bombed with her in between us. My man is finally standing up to her but our wedding is less than 2 months away. I was glad to read your post, it helped me too! Thanks!

TheB****shehates commented 3 years ago

I am sure you know this, but; you need to move out and dump both the mother and the gutless boyfriend. You can do bad all by yourself. :-)

IEM commented 3 years ago

Oh girl.
You need to get educated on narcissistic personality disorder.
First, don't let that woman have your kid alone. Second, love Derek the best you can because I'm gonna let you in on his family secret. His mother doesn't love him. Never has never will. Doesn't love his brother either even though that was the one she picked to be the child she spoils. She isn't capable. I'll repeat that. She is not capable of love. And no she doesn't live her granddaughter either. She wants your baby to weird power over Derek and you. Hopefully to get rid of you. She wants to turn your child against you. She wants to turn the child against Derek. You see your in love with her scapegoat. The child she picked to take the blame for everything and be responsible to be pushed around and forced to constantly try to please her as she guilt trips into infiniti. He is still hoping she will love him. She won't. He is hoping she will love him for giving her a grandchild. She won't. And he Is hoping she will accept you...she won't. Deep inside he knows that and he knows his mom is the definition of selfish so to keep peace he will want you to do it. Avoid battling. Be understanding. Say "no, that's the end, no" firmly and gently when she or Derek asks you to allow her to violate your boundaries. Get away from her forever if possible. Start making life changes to move TOWARD no contact forever if that's possible. Don't challenge his trying to win her love. He can't get it and he'd not ready to face the agony that scapegoats face when they realize mom never loved them. Not once. And that mom enjoys hurting them. Yes he needs to cut that cord. But this is a deep wound and he will NOT do it faster if he feels or even suspects you are pushing him into it or judging him. It will only set you back. Again keep baby away as much as possible. Baby is a power card to this evil masquerade of a mom. She does not love baby. She will always claim to and will set up a big fat fuss but be calm and don't be fooled. Let her rage. Be the walls that protect baby as she grows up from that particular hurricane. These narcissists are destroyers. They are not capable of anything else.

Much love
The scapegoat child of two narcissist parents and the sister of two abusing golden child brothers and one brother scared into shutting up, and a malignant narcissist mother in law. I got a way. (He can too.)

Carol commented 3 years ago

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